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Iraqapalooza



First the talking points talking heads only used football metaphors for Iraq, (which they've now brought back after we found out the "Petraeus" Report wasn't actually BY General Petraeus, but written by the White House, even though Petraeus lied and said it was all his words.) So they go on TV every time Bush extends the surge and the war and say "they're moving the goalposts". Or they use poker and say Bush is "doubling down". Now they say it's a game of "Whackamole". One general, with a straight face, said that now "we're ready to whack a lot of moles simultaneously". The whole point of "Whackamole" is that the moles always pop up somewhere else. Get it? Nobody in the "mainstream media" has ever said that it's not football and it's not poker. Nobody dies in poker.

Petraeus used 13 separate color charts from Kinko's that just parroted administration reports that say violence is down 75% in Iraq ‚€“ but they don't count any car bombs or IEDs, or people who've been shot in the face, not the back of the head. orSunni-Sunni or Shia-Shia violence. You've heard of number-crunching, this is number-shredding. How about not counting anyone killed by a bullet? They could claim total peace then.

(Speaking of talking points: As of August, a Pod Person on "Hardball" was STILL saying Saddam "gassed 300,000 Kurds". We know ‚€“ the Pentagon sold him the gas. At least they know their weapons work. They wouldn't want to rip off any homicidal dictators...)

The money Bush keeps asking for has to, by law, be tied to political benchmarks, but 13 out of 18 haven't been met. Malaki said "No one has the right to put a timetable on the Iraqi Government". What the hell, do they think it's their country or something?

The Iraqi Government is broken. Just like ours. Half of Malaki's cabinet has resigned‚€”just like ours. Corruption has taken over their government‚€”just like ours. Ambassador Crocker said the Iraqi government is "dysfunctional". I guess Bush is succeeding‚€”they're getting more like us all the time!
The Republicans are blaming all the problems on the Iraqi Government that they put there, and now they're criticizing them for going on vacation. Who can blame them? They're in Iraq. They want to get the fuck out too! Attacks are up 91% in the last year, at the same time that Cheney said "Attacks are down". Wouldn't you want to go to the beach, too? Or a nice hotel somewhere that actually has running water and electricity?

Newspaper Headline: "TRAINING IRAQI TROOPS NO LONGER DRIVING FORCE IN U.S. POLICY". No real coverage in the mainstream media. They spent nine billion dollars training Iraqis, and now they're even better at shooting at us...Just kidding. U.S. forces were attacked by Iraqi police for five hours. Not one American soldier died. But all six Iraqis died. How about that training, huh?

Let's look at a few of Bush's lies about Iraq:

"We will fight with the full force of the U.S. military."
-- Except it's never been at full force, there's never been enough body armor or vehicle armor or bullets or water...All that money to Halliburton, and our troops didn't have enough water for years. Maybe the next time they invade a country, they should pick one with a fucking lake.

"We will protect and take care of our troops."
-- They cut funding for traumatic brain injuries (See my columns on "Bush Scandals".Bush said that a small raise for the troops was "unnecessary". One in five military families are on food stamps. Bush stopped a payment of an extra forty dollars a month for the families of dead soldiers. At the same time, visiting the hurricane disaster in Kansas, Bush said he "lifts people's spirits and touches their souls". Yeah, with an icy chill of impending doom.

"We will not seek a permission slip to fight." --Our military is embedded in Iraqi troops.

"We should be able to decrease our troops levels by what the Generals say, not the politicians in Washington." -- First, George, you ARE a politician in Washington. You can't claim to be an outsider when you're the friggin' PRESIDENT. Secondly, generals have been telling him he's doing it wrong since before the war, during the war, during the counter-insurgency, and he fired them all and did the "surge" all by himself.

"We need more troops in Afghanistan...because Al Qaeda is winning." -- He took troops out of Afghanistan and put them in Iraq.

"The Taliban is back." -- They never left! They didn't get rid of them! They run one-third of the country and just had their biggest opium harvests on record! I guess Bush wants the Republicans to go for the heroin junkie vote.

"We must take the fight to the enemy."
-- Yeah, that's why they pulled out of Afghanistan.

"...Our friends in Iraq..." -- We don't have any friends in Iraq, especially because eight million Iraqis lack basic human needs, like water and power, after $20 billion was "spent" on reconstruction. Yeah, the reconstruction of Halliburton executives' summer homes in Barbados.

"We're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here".
--What, because we're in Iraq they can't buy a plane ticket anymore? Bush recently said again that we fight them over there so we won't have to fight them here, then three seconds later he said they're going to attack us here again anyway. He said to a reporter, "They will kill your children". The reporter doesn't have any children.

"If we leave Iraq, we will be attacked here." --Did Bush actually admit that the warrantless wiretapping, extraordinary renditions, torture, and the Department Of Homeland Security are all complete failures? Nahhh...

"We're turning the corner." --They've turned the corner so many times they're back in the same fucking spot.

"If we leave Iraq, there will be chaos."
--Hey, the Iraqi people are PRAYING for chaos. Chaos would be a nice break for them.

Bush just referenced 9/11 for the official thousandth time, and compared Iraq to World War Two. Oh, yeah, they're exactly the same, except in World War II we actually fought people who attacked us first. Otherwise, no difference.

Bush said Iraq under Saddam was like Europe under Hitler, and the Democrats and his critics are like the pro-Nazi appeasers of the 1930's. In Bush's brain, it's always the summer of 1945, the Allies have just defeated the Nazis, America is always right, and "democracies are peaceful and they don't go to war against each other." That's not how countries in Africa, Asia, Central America, or the Middle East feel about it. WE'RE a democracy and we went to war with Korea, Vietnam, Grenada, Afghanistan, Iraq, and lost all of them -- except Grenada. And they only had twelve guys in a pick-up truck. Then George said Iraq is like Japan after World War Two, like Korea, and like Vietnam. Somebody keep him from watching the "History Channel" anymore before he bad-metaphors himself to death.

Bush has been pushing this pro-immigration bill crap for years against Republican hatred and opposition and racism, because he's kissing up the Latinos ‚€“ not for their vote, but so they'll volunteer and go to Iraq. What's Spanish for "cannon fodder"?

Now even General William Odom, head of the NSA under Reagan, says we should withdraw our troops, even if we have to impeach Bush. Hey George ‚€“ you said you always listen to your generals...

And just when you think it can't get more insane, some crazy American is in Iraq trying to make Baghdad a tourist destination.And you thought your job was hard!

I've got a sports metaphor for them: when a football team loses the game, THE GAME STOPS.

Doug Ferrari

Posted on Sep 20 2007 by Doug
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